Homeschool Work Mom

This past week has been challenging.

I imagine that in every house it has been a struggle to get things going and try to maintain somewhat of a “normal” schedule.

Or maybe, like some I know, the last week was treated as an early Spring Break, to kind of let the kids be, and sort things out as a mom/new homeschool parent.

Whatever your last week looked like, I know it wasn’t easy, and for the foreseeable future, it isn’t going to get any easier.

I’ve homeschooled before. I did one semester of 4th grade, and I honestly thought it was great. I had both of my daughters at work with me(we own our own business) and I was able to juggle the workload, the baby, and my 4th grader, while my son was at school (we chose not to do a semester with him because school was going well)

2 years later, things have changed a bit.

The kids were both doing well in school. I have a 6th and 2nd grader, and my daughter is in 1/2 day preschool, but lets add an extra kid in….the baby, who is borderline toddler and into EVERYTHING…..

My last week has been complete CHAOS.

Our business HAS to continue as normal, because it is our only source of income and we are in minimal contact with people, other than giving them a ticket, so Monday started “Business as Usual”…………. EXCEPT

Instead of 3 kids going to school, and me and little man heading to work, I headed to work WTIH 4 CHILDREN!

This is my normal in the Summer, so I am truly used to having all of them at work with me, so that’s not really the issue at hand. The issue is that I have to teach them, and I don’t mean “issue” like I don’t want to do it, because I DO, I mean it as, I’ve got to figure out how to balance running a business and teaching 3 children of completely different ages.

It’s not like I can sit them down and teach a solo lesson. 6th and 2nd grades are worlds apart in learning, especially when the 6th grader has ADHD and the 2nd grader “hates learning” and struggles in reading, so he needs the additional help.

Let’s not forget the independent preschooler who wants to learn. She LOVES school, so this is throwing her off BIG TIME.

Then I have the “baby.” He is literally into everything….

So in between trying to attempt to answer the phone, keeping the 6th grader focused, helping the 2nd grader read and comprehend, making up work so I can teach the preschooler, and rounding up the baby like he’s a baby cow at a Rodeo, I am a bit overwhelmed.

When Friday came around, I was relieved, and tired…..so tired.

The week was so long, yet so short. I don’t feel like I was as successful as what I should have been with schooling or work, or “MOM-ing.”

I am blessed that my oldest loves working, or at least she loves being in the office by herself, so the latter part of the week consisted of her going in and tending to the office and doing her schoolwork, because in her words “I’d rather do my work here in the quiet without my annoying brothers and sister.” This gave me a little extra time to get the other 3 ready and pack lunches for everyone. (6 lunches)

The phones are forwarded to me, so I’m still “working,” but it’s amazing what a load it does take off, when I don’t have to rush to have everyone ready, lunches packed, school supplies packed, and be out the door to be at work by a certain time before our regular driver gets there.

I just feel like I ran a marathon this past week though……an unsuccessful one. From work to coming home and still having to have a dinner ready and doing the housework, PLUS trying to be sure to stay out of public places, and constantly sanitizing and washing hands, and making sure we are being as cautious as possible.

Then, let us not forget the parents who think this thing is just going to pass over like the FLU….. I don’t even want to get started on that, because it’s just insanity, and makes me crazy. I am going to be the Bitch Daughter-in-law, because I wouldn’t allow the grandma to hug and kiss on the grandchildren……sorry, you had lots of church folks at your house on Wednesday, and even though you “know them,” you can’t seriously tell me that you can account for their whereabouts every single day of the week…..what if they aren’t being cautious. I’m not washing little hands and sanitizing everything 10 times a day, to get a virus from YOU because you chose to have people over that aren’t taking the precautions as seriously as I am.

I am not being a BITCH or UNREASONABLE. This is a LIFE and DEATH situation we are in. Two of 4 of my children have breathing issues if they get the common cold, so don’t you think for one second I am not taking this COVID-19 thing seriously, because if they get something  like this, there is not telling how it will end.

This week was rough. I experienced so many titles at one time, I thought my head was going to explode, BUT, WE SURVIVED……

We spent Saturday and Sunday sleeping in and listening to our church service. We had NO STRUCTURE whatsoever, and I think that’s okay.

We needed that, and while I aim to have somewhat structure this week, I can’t promise that. We will homeschool how we see fit.

We did get assignments from teachers, so we will be doing that, but in moderation and taking the whole day to get it done, with breaks in between.

I also ordered a Butterfly Garden, which I thought would be a neat Science lesson. It is suppposed to come with LIVE caterpillars, and they will eventually become butterflies, so prayers we can keep them alive better than we do fish, and we can see the marvelous wonder of going from a caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly.

I’ll be praying for all of you, as long as you promise to pray for me too, because we are really all in this together. This is uncharted territory for everyone, regardless of how we are doing it. Whether you are out of work completely, or working from home, trying to teach multiple children at one time, is tough. It will wear you out. So be sure to give yourself some slack, and know that you will get better at it, because I have a feeling it will be like this for a while.

God Bless, and PLEASE stay home if you can and WASH YOUR HANDS!

 

 

Life isn’t a Hallmark Movie

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a good Hallmark movie, but it’s the same thing over and over again (again, I still sit on my couch and watch them over and over like a broken record)

Why though? Life isn’t like these movies, not that I expect them to be, but for once, it would be nice to feel the real ness of what a complicated life really is like.

The movies are always boy meets girl in a small town, they fall in love and something always happens….

Your recent ex tracks you down and confesses his love all the while interfering with the new or rekindled love that you’ve found in said small town….

Or your business is failing, you fall in love with the local who happens to be wealthy and your business all of a sudden is thriving and making it while the day before you were preparing to close the doors….

Again, I love these movies, but oh how life is NOT a Hallmark Movie!

Maybe that’s Hallmark’s goal…to let you incision what could potentially be, MAYBE, or to just get you out of your world for 2 hours and engrossed in a life you only dream of.

What I can say is, there aren’t Hallmark movies about a couple who has been together since high school….no, they didn’t drift apart and meet back after all these years in their small town…. they haven’t faced a divorce and come back to their hometown, or dealt with a spouse death…… they’ve stuck it out TOGETHER all these years, and come back to their hometown…. with their FOUR kids….

They’ve been through two military deployments, high school and college graduations, death of grandparents, death of friends while overseas that they couldn’t save, a separation that almost ended in divorce, but through some almighty power, they MADE it.

Then again they were almost torn apart due to an affair that ended up making them stronger.

They’ve dealt with loss of friendships, financial hardships, the death of a child, and a business that just seems to keep afloat, BARELY, regardless of all the time and love and work that’s been put into it.

A wife who is self diagnosed as struggling with PPD, but not sure if it’s just depression from moving away from all her friends and a town she’s known for the last 13 years, but trying to keep it together between dance and tumbling and volleyball, and soccer, and guitar lessons.

A husband who gave up is law enforcement career to try and better his family and works his ass off every second of the day and it’s still a struggle to keep food on the table.

A couple who has defied all the odds against them and still love each other, and try their best to BE the best for their 4 kids who adore them.

A mom who is really trying to keep it together every second of every day despite the fact she feels like she’s drowning in a sea of bills, laundry, dishes, diapers, baths, and being a personal milk factory.

THAT should be a Hallmark Movie.

The inevitable triumphs despite all the road blocks that keep popping up at every turn. Maybe it would take you to an alternate universe like Hallmarks movies seem to make me do, but it would give a different perspective as to anything and any obstacle has the capability of being overcome.

Pray for me!

Four Years Ago YESTERDAY

Four years ago yesterday, I was in labor all day and didn’t know it.

Four years ago yesterday, I sat in the waiting room at the doctor’s office with cramping and a false positive on my water breaking while I waited to go into an ultrasound.

Four years ago yesterday, I saw our baby girl moving on a monitor with her heart beating and was told everything would be OK.

Four years ago yesterday, we would go grocery shopping in an attempt to forget that I was cramping.

Four years ago yesterday, I would come home cook dinner and my dad came to visit because we were getting the nursery and the other kids’ rooms ready for the arrival of our baby in a few months.

Four years ago yesterday, after dinner the cramping continued and worsened and for some reason I decided to start timing it.

Four years ago yesterday, I sat in my living room timing my cramps that were two minutes apart and I knew something wasn’t right.

Four years ago yesterday, I called the midwife multiple times asking about the pain I was in and telling her that they were consistently coming a couple minutes apart.

Four years ago yesterday, I was assured that my doctor’s visit showed nothing was wrong and that I should lay down and relax because it was most likely Braxton Hicks contractions.

Four years ago yesterday, as I laid on my side trying to relax I felt a pop as if a balloon had popped inside of me and I knew my water had just broken.

Four years ago yesterday, I jumped up from the bed and went to the bathroom and knew she was coming way too soon.

Four years ago yesterday, I cried in agony knowing we had to go to the hospital but not wanting to.

Four years ago yesterday, my dad who lives an hour away happened to be at our house… talk about right place right time, unfortunately.

Four years ago yesterday, my husband and I sped in the car on the way to the hospital, getting pulled over along away just to be let go when we told him the situation.

Four years ago yesterday, I got to the hospital and immediately went back and all the midwife could say was she was sorry this was happening.

Four years ago yesterday, the doctor came in and wanted to look at the baby on an ultrasound machine.

Four years ago yesterday, we watched our little baby kick and turned and her heart was beating a perfect rate just to be told she would be coming and there was nothing we could do about it.

Four years ago yesterday, the doctor did give us a glimmer of hope when he said if it’s not real labor you’ll just be on bedrest for two months until she’s ready.

Four years ago yesterday, I knew from the bottom of my heart that I was in labor, although I’d be willing to lay in a bed as long as I needed in order to keep my baby.

Four years ago yesterday, the doctor wanted to see if I was in actual labor by checking my cervix.

Four years ago yesterday, the doctor made a face and told my husband to look.

Four years ago yesterday, the umbilical cord was already hanging out of my cervix.

Four years ago TODAY, the doctor said that since her heartbeat was so strong she could possibly be born alive.

Four years ago today, my husband and I did something we never thought we’d have to do.

Four years ago today, we wished that our daughter wouldn’t be born alive because we knew she wouldn’t survive and we didn’t want her to suffer.

Four years ago today, I had to pee and I was afraid to, because I knew what would happen with the pressure.

Four years ago today, I went to the bathroom and our daughter was born in the white plastic thing you catch urine in.

Four years ago today, I gave birth to this bright pink, perfect little baby and there was nothing I could do to save her.

Four years ago today, we held her in our arms and counted her 10 fingers and 10 toes and saw the hair that was beginning to grow.

Four years ago today, we held our perfect baby and cried in disbelief at what just happened.

Four years ago today, my husband and I vowed to not blame each other for the circumstances we were facing.

Four years ago today, my husband and I made a promise to be strong for one another because we knew this was going to bring out a lot of emotions.

Four years ago today, we knew we were destined to have another baby.

Four years ago today, we prayed more than we had prayed in our entire marriage.

Four years ago today, we had to leave the hospital with our baby in a little box and not in a car seat or in my womb.

Four years ago today, we took our baby home.

Four years ago today, our oldest got to meet her sister and hold her.

Four years ago today, we had to take our baby girl to the funeral home.

Four years ago today, I was numb with any kind of emotion and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about the funeral service for my baby when 24 hours prior she was alive in my belly.

Four years ago today, we were lost and broken and didn’t know how we’d move forward.

For years ago YESTERDAY, our lives were changed forever, and TODAY we will celebrate with love and tears and prayer and cake for our sweet girl’s 4th Birthday.

Another day I will tell more of our story as to how we’ve moved forward, and what a journey it has been. Our sweet baby wasn’t with us for long, but the impact she played on our lives has remained evident in all the things we do.

Pray for Me!!!

A Teaching Moment in Positivity

I am TRYING! I truly am.

Everything in me wants to be a more positive person and see the little things as a promise for bigger things….

BUT….it is so difficult!

Is it supposed to be easy though?!?

Maybe we have struggles to truly appreciate the positive moments?

My now 11 year old daughter is at a point where she hasn’t quite grasped the concept of hygiene and that sort. She’s getting it, just not as much as she will…..

Her hair…. it’s fine and gets oily quickly, and my oh my…. the KNOTS….

I don’t understand how the knots accumulate. She got a new brush for Christmas and she’s been brushing her hair more than usual, but somehow it’s not getting the bottom layer of hair, which as a result is causing knots. I mean your “want to just cut them out” kind of knots.

In the midst of being the first day back to school in two weeks morning…. she asks me to brush her hair. She rarely asks so of course I say yes.

5 minutes into hair brushing, I’m only 1/3 done because of said knots. I made a comment. “This wasn’t in my plans this morning to spend 20 minutes on brushing hair.”

I’ve thought about it all day. I shouldn’t have said it. We spent 20 minutes together that we wouldn’t have, otherwise. I would have been in the kitchen getting breakfast and lunches ready and packing bags for work.

Instead, I got to spend 20 bonding minutes with my eldest, who may now never ask me to brush her hair again because she might think it’s an inconvenience.

I’m probably thinking too much into it, but that’s what’s been running through my head all day. Instead of me seeing the positive of spending time with her, I made a negative comment.

I have vowed to make myself better this year. All around better, so as a mom, friend, wife, neighbor, daughter, sister, etc.

This morning was one of those instances where I could have been better and I chose a different route.

Then, as I was getting my now 3 year old daughter out of the car to take into preschool, I found a “letter” from my oldest in an envelope addressed to “Mommy.”

I opened it when I got to work, and it says, “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You are the best mommy ever.” My heart melted, my face lit up, but tears filled my eyes.

If only I could see the positive like she does. No matter what is happening in her life, she always sees the positive and her her world, I’m the best mommy ever. It doesn’t matter how much I mess up, she still thinks of me as the best.

Maybe God gave me these children to see myself in a different light and so that I could see their truth and be positive for them and in turn for myself and others.

I really hope that I can see the teaching moment to myself in positivity during the next hair debacle, or whatever situation may arise, because though my children think I’m the best mommy ever, I want to show them how much better I can be.

Pray for me!

In The Fast Lane

Do you ever feel like you just never stop?!?!

I haven’t blogged in a few days, due to a hurricane and life in general. The kids were out of school so life has been entertaining and interesting all while a bit overwhelming and difficult.

This morning on the way into my son’s school, I was walking him in and I realized how fast I was trying to walk. I was almost pulling him. Then I realized, I had been doing it all morning….rush, rush, rush!

My son looks at me with this huge amount of love when we get to the spot where I have to leave him to walk by himself, and I notice he doesn’t even realize how much I’m rushing. All he sees is that I am holding his hand to walk him in and he knows I will give him hugs and kisses and smile as he continues down the hallway.

I wake up in the morning before anyone else and then I rush to get myself ready and the 4 kids, and then before I know it, it’s time to get all in the car and leave. I’ve got 3 school to drop off at, and then I head into work until our toddler gets out of school. Let’s not talk about the construction that they are doing by her school…….

Instead of turning left into her school, I have to go down about 2 miles through construction and then do a U-turn to go back to her school. Today, the cones have been set up so that I had to do a partial U-turn, back and then continue on. I guess they don’t realize people have to actually fit through there. I understand they are just doing their job, but it truly is frustrating trying to get to my little one.

I finally get to the school and then head home. I got home long enough to swap out the laundry, cook us lunch, and get the baby out of his car seat. As soon as I was about to fix E’s plate, I got a phone call. My oldest’s teacher was calling to tell me that she was sick and wanted to come home. I quickly put the plate in the microwave and left the food on the stove, and began to try and explain to E that she wouldn’t be eating right this minute….we were going to let it cool and we would eat it when we got back. She, of course, threw a huge tantrum, because she didn’t get it. I’m sure it was mostly because she was tired and desperately needed a nap, nevertheless, there was a huge tantrum involved. Lucky for me, she went to sleep before we could even get to the school to pick up my oldest.

When I got there, I was flooded with memories of my childhood as my 4th grade teacher came walking through the office, along with another lady that was at the school when I was there, 20 years ago. My daughter’s class had been outside, so of course she took forever to get to me. By the time we got back home, I was able to shove my lunch down really quickly as I nursed the baby, then it was off we went again to sit here….in the Mommy Line. Again, I was rushing to get to the mommy line. This is literally the only time in the day I feel like I’m not rushing, once I’m here in this line.

Why do I do this to myself? Rush, rush, rush…..at least Monday is a pretty relaxed day once we actually get home. We don’t have anywhere we have to go. I was able to start dinner in the crockpot during the chaos of cooking lunch, so I don’t have to worry about that, unless you consider that bacon I have to cook to add to it, but I kind of enjoy that, because my house will smell wonderful.

Before we can go home, we must make a gas run so i don’t run out going everywhere, stop by the office again to pick up a deposit, go by the bank, get home and do homework, do dinner bath time, bedtime, and get prepared to do it all over again tomorrow.

Why do I say all of this? It’s more of a reflection for me to try and do better and not rush as much. The kids don’t see it and they have no worries because I am here to do all the worrying for them. They don’t feel rushed, not do they have any inclination to feel that way. Oh, to be a child and not have a care or worry.

I need to be more aware of my rushing. If I got up a bit earlier, maybe I wouldn’t feel like I had to rush. I did much better the beginning of the school year, because we got up about 20 minutes earlier, and while we still left at the same time as we do now, and we are ready now, the kids were able to sit down, watch a little tv, and just be a kid in the morning before having to really start their day.

I will do better and be up a bit earlier and maybe I can be more like my children and not feel rushed, and in turn, I am hoping it will make the day go much smoother and it will make for an overall better day.

Pray for Me!

Motherhood

Motherhood is……exhausting!!

Let me preface this by first saying, being a mom is absolutely the most rewarding and life changing title I have ever had. From finding out about the pregnancy to the uncertainty of what life will be like with this little one outside the womb, to their first cry, rolling over, crawling, walking, their first teeth, first words, the hugs and kisses and I love you…… ALL OF iT!! I LOVE every little piece of it, no exceptions.

Here is the thing though. You expect all those things mentioned above. It’s what everyone raves about and talks about.

What NO ONE is talking about when it comes to becoming a mom….

middle of the night nursing, the middle of the night toddler waking up coming to get into your bed, the dogs barking for no reason but it wakes you up, the struggles in the grocery store because the kids want everything they can get their hands on, the trying to get 4 kids dressed and out the door by a certain time, all while having them fed and their bags packed for school, and making sure all their papers are signed.

And the laundry….all the laundry, and the meals that you have to prepare, the clothes you pick up off the floor that are right BESIDE the dirty clothes basket, the hidden candy wrappers behind furniture, the legos that you step on, the little toys that are stuffed between couch cushions and under furniture…….the being in the car for hours on end just to get the kids to the placed they have to go…school drop off, school pick up, soccer practice drop off and pick up, dance drop off and pick up, tumbling drop off and pick up…..

The back talk, the whining, the crying, the “It’s not fair.” “She hit me.” “I’m telling mom.” “Why?” “But I don’t want to.” “No.” Again, the WHINING…

The car that won’t ever be clean and looks like a trash can, the attitudes, the schedules, the homework, the I don’t feel like cleaning or I don’t feel like feeding the dogs…..

NO ONE Tells you THESE THINGS!!! Maybe some of it is implied??? I don’t know, but when I unexpectedly became a mom sooner than anticipated, I never forethought these things…..It is absolutely EXHAUSTING….I am literally sitting here about to fall asleep!

Wanna know what though???? I wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING in the world…..because with all of those exhausting moments, come 5 extra moments that will make your heart melt and want to smile like you’ve never smiled before……

The toddler not letting go of her big brother because “he’s never leaving for school. I love him too much.”

My oldest son holding the baby’s hand while laying in my bed just because he wants him to feel safe.

The I Love you’s, the snuggles, the smiles, the hugs, the co-sleeping, the kids playing a game and getting along without arguing, the moments where they show you what kind of kids they really are and how you are doing something right by raising them.

When your oldest gets a good grade on a test and smiles so big because she thought she didn’t do well.

“I missed you,” when they’ve been gone with their grandparents for the night.

Motherhood is absolutely exhausting, but it is even more rewarding. It is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and while I know there will be plenty more tough times and difficult situations, knowing that I have the ability to raise 4 little humans to become adults in this world, is incredibly invigorating. I hope to raise 4 independent individuals that can support themselves and get along on their own, but also aren’t afraid to call mom and just need her!!! I do not wish this to come any time soon, but I know it will happen all too quickly, but until then I will soak up my snuggles, and cuddle them when they are sick or had a bad day, hold their hand as we walk into school, and just love on them as much as I can while they are still little. My mom has always said enjoy them when they are little, because their childhood will fly by and you will wonder where it went.

My prayer for all of us as parents is that we live a little and enjoy the small moments, and make memories that last a lifetime that you can talk about when they are grown and home for visits, because we all know that as exhausting as it is, one day we will be wishing for it all to be back within our grasp.

Pray for Me

I’ve Got it All Figured Out

Well, I would like to think I have it all figured out, but we all know that isn’t the case, but for a brief moment, feeling like I’ve Got it All Figured Out, feels pretty amazing.

While I realize no one is reading this, or if they are, they don’t like it, I have found it to be very therapeutic to write if for anything, for my self. I have always enjoyed writing when it came to writing about things I liked, whether it be a poem, or a made up story, I throughly enjoy it. Maybe I just enjoy typing with a purpose, because I love typing. Is that weird? Anyways, I have been doing so much thinking and pondering, and as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I have always wanted to write a book, but who wants to read about someone’s life that isn’t famous, right?

Well, I’ve decided to write my book, and if no one reads it, oh well. I don’t think I will feel complete in life until I have written my story and have a hard copy to give to my children one day. They in turn can give it to their children, and so on. I’ve discovered over the years that writing is kind of in my blood. While no one has become a famous author or anything of that magnitude, a lot of people write in my family. My grandmother wrote her Memoirs she had printed and gave to us about a year ago, my other grandmother used to write the most beautiful poetry. When she passed a few years ago, my uncle took all of her poems and put them together and made a book for everyone so that we could all enjoy her writing. My uncle loves to write as well. Every Christmas he has a Christmas story that he tells about their family and their year and what they have done and accomplished. He also dabbles in some other writing as well. My mother also loves to write poems. Any occasion that calls for anything sentimental, she’s there writing a poem about it. I actually wrote a poem for my grandfather that was read at his funeral years ago.

So, I seen to have it all figured out, maybe not so much the logistics of when I will write, but the FACT that I AM going to write my book. Who knows, maybe my triumphs over so many obstacles will help people if they will actually read it. You never know. The things stopping me in the past from writing, I believe are gone. I have had so many excuses and have thought way too much about it. You can’t make up life stories, because you’ve lived them, and because I’ve lived through so much in such a short amount of time, I truly think I need to be heard. Maybe I will finish the book, and it will be a best seller?? Highly doubtful, but positivity is what I need to work on. If anything, I will write an incredible love story like no other fairy tale anyone has heard, because I am living it, and it isn’t all pretty, and it isn’t all ball gowns and castles. It is real and raw, and that is what I am. I am excited about this next Chapter that I will be embarking on, and hopefully, soon, I will have some readers of my own in this Blogging World, so someone else can be excited with me about this! Until then,

Pray for Me!!!