Busy Mom vs. Husband

Yesterday I went into work late….we own our business, so not a terribly big deal. Our oldest daughter likes to go in with my husband and “run the office” on days that I just need a little more time to get the other 3 ready to go out the door.

We just got back from vacation Sunday, so when it was time that I should be leaving, the baby was still asleep in the bed, because let’s face it…..NOTHING is better than being back in YOUR OWN BED…….   well my bed, because we “co-sleep,” but not really the point.

Anyways, I finally get to work, and it’s chaotic….4 kids, small office, phone ringing…..chaotic…

My husband is asking me all these questions, trying to figure out who hasn’t paid bills, because we need money in the account to pay employees, because while it was Monday, today is Tuesday, and that means, payday….

So, I am getting questions from everywhere, then realize we are out of receipt paper in our card machine, and we have a customer that was supposed to be coming to pay their bill that was paying with card, so I have to leave AGAIN….and of course by this time, it was lunchtime, so the kids needed to eat, so I couldn’t just run to Office Depot, I had to stop and grab lunch before heading back as well.

I got a text from my husband to stop and grab starting fluid….I ignored it, because the baby had just fallen asleep, I was already on the way back to the office, and I was just over taking orders for the day…whether it’s the husband or the children, I feel like that is all I am good for….taking orders and doing everyone’s bidding.

I finally get back to the office temporarily,  because it was Open House for the kids at their new school. We shove down our lunch very quickly, jump back in the car, then head to the school, for what I thought would be a relatively quick visit since the kids are in the same building this year….WRONG…..

Our daughter has 4 teachers/ 4 classrooms, so we had to visit them all….once we found them that is.

Then, after meeting my son’s 2nd grade teacher, he wanted to go visit his kindergarten teacher (he went to this school in kindergarten), but kindergarten is in a completely different building….

Did I tell you how we were “walking” through the school this whole time….. I have 4 children, and of course, my husband isn’t going to go with me, because that would be too convenient, so, I have a wagon….the baby was asleep initially, so kept him in the carseat and plopped in into the wagon, then had to BEG the 3 year old to stay in the wagon while we navigated through the PACKED hallways.

I pull the wagon back to the car, pack it all back up, and head to the kindergarten building so my son can say hey to his teacher.

We finally get done and head back to the office the grab the deposit for the day…meanwhile, my husband calls wanting to know where I am, because I guess I have been gone too long for his liking, but oh well….I’m trying to do the MOM thing. I explain to him that I am less than a mile away but I will NOT be staying, because I have the get to the bank before 5:00 and we have volleyball practice at OUR HOUSE at 6:00.

I am on the mend from vacation…my house wasn’t ready for visitors. While, we do keep them on the screened porch, I still have to have everything somewhat situated in case anyone needs to use the bathroom.

I drive up to the bank at 4:56, then get home around 5:15, knowing I have an extremely LIMITED amount of time to do everything I need/want to get done.

I needed to straighten living room, bathroom, kitchen, porch, and laundry room, as well as wash a bunch of dishes, and REALLY wanted to attempt getting dinner started or ready to be started….. I have planned to cook country style steak because my husband made the comment a couple weeks ago that I haven’t cooked that in over a year, so I wanted to surprise him.

My oldest helped with the living room, the bathroom had torn toilet paper all over the floor, from whom I can only guess was the baby got in there somehow the night before…. I washed what I could in dishes to make it look presentable, put a pot with the rice, water, and butter with the lid on, so I would just have to turn it on when practice was done. I mixed up the casserole and got it in a pan ready to be put in the oven when practice was over. I took out all the other supplies I needed to make the country style steak and the topping for the casserole. I had everything sitting out ready to go for when practice was over.

Then, I remembered that I needed to call my mom to come watch the other kids during practice, because I can never depend on my husband to be home in time to watch them. 5 minutes after I called, my husband shows up, and immediately asks if I’ve called my mom to come over and watch the kids. He goes to get in the shower, not even asking if there is anything he can do to help me.

Then, my parents get to the house….my dad is helping me coach, so that’s why he is there, and then my mom, obviously to watch the kids……BUT, as if I don’t have enough going on, my mom looks around and sighs, as if my house isn’t clean or good enough…I’ve had it at this point with everything. I tell her, I’ve got 4 kids, 5 if you include the husband, I’m trying to have a hot meal for them at a somewhat decent time, I’ve been working on school stuff since they start Wednesday, AND we just got back from vacation…I haven’t had time to do all the things that need to be done!

Then the girls start arriving for practice. Practice lasts all of 40 minutes due to the weather, which was almost time for me to regain my composure with the day’s events.

I immediately start on dinner, my husband goes and sits on the couch on his phone, and lifts not one finger. I tell him, I need him to keep the baby out of the kitchen, because I cook the country style steak in hot grease, so he did manage to come get the baby from under me. He asks me what I’m cooking, and immediately says, “you know we have leftover spaghetti. Why didn’t you just warm that up?” I was speechless to be honest with you, because yes, I could have warmed up spaghetti, but he complained about that last night, because I bought the kind with tomato chunks in it by accident, and he freaked out about that. I told him kindly, that I have the taco meat pre-cooked for Tuesday night because we have a volleyball game, and in hopes of winning Tuesday night, we will have a game on Wednesday night, and we would reheat the spaghetti then.

During dinner, which it was the best country style steak I have ever cooked….I proceed to ask him how everything is, and he responds with ” well, it’s been so long since you’ve cooked it, that I really don’t remember what it tastes like… But, you can cook. You have proved your worth.” Proved my worth? Are you freaking kidding me? I said nothing, because at this point, we were all sitting down as a family, and I didn’t want to start an argument.

He eats the majority of his plate, and says, “well, I need to go eat some TUMS.” You know, at this point the only thing positive out of his mouth, was that ” I have proved my worth,” and that wasn’t sitting well with me, so I don’t even know what to say or do.

After dinner, I was telling him what I needed to do in order to finish getting things ready for the kids first day of school, and he did offer to wash the dishes, but with the entails, him just washing what will fit in the other side of the sink, not finishing all the dishes, and I will be watching the baby, not doing anything that I need to be doing, so I told him that. I told him that I would wash the dishes, because I knew if I did it , it would be done, and not half way done like he likes to do it. He didn’t argue either. I guess maybe he does the half-way washing on purpose knowing it drives me crazy?? Who knows….I finish the dishes, wiping the counters, all that, and proceed to tell him that I have to go upstairs to get the kid’s school shirts done (they have to have uniforms, so I make their uniform t-shirts to save money, because mine look just like the ones you buy.) We just don’t advertise that I make them, because I don’t know that you aren’t supposed to, but I also don’t know if it’s okay.

I head up the stairs and the first thing he asks me is how many shirts to I have to do and what else do I have to do. I tell him I have 12 shirts already printed to press, and I wanted to go ahead and get our daughter’s school supplies monogrammed.  We are in the South….I will slap a monogram on anything possible, to include School Supplies.

I got 8 out of 12 shirts pressed and he kept asking me the entire time when I would be finished. He then asked what else I had to do, AGAIN……. When I told him I wanted to get her school supplies done, he asked “Do you have to do them tonight?”

In my mind…. PLEASE tell me when else I am going to do them? It was yesterday, so Monday, and they start school TOMORROW, Wednesday. We have a volleyball game tonight at 7, so by the time we get home, it will be at least 8:30, which is bedtime for the first night of school, and the baby will be getting fussy by this time, and I am at work all day today, after I had to take the oldest for her ADHD appointment….  When else will I have time to do it?

Guess what though??? The baby was crying, and he knows if the baby is crying, I am not going to continue to do what I am doing, so I design a few of the monograms that I was to print, and head downstairs to find him on his phone in one hand and holding the crying baby in the other, so with a little EFFORT, I’m sure he could have gotten the baby to sleep and gave me the opportunity to finish doing what I was doing.

Why am I telling y’all all this?? I honestly don’t know. I’m not really sure at this point that anyone even reads this but me……..

But, If you are out there? Is this just a man thing?? Or did I seriously get screwed in the husband category? I love him, I do, but this negativity that’s been going on, when I am truly trying to be a good wife, is getting out of hand. I mean, I go to a job every day that I DO NOT WANT to be at, because I know he NEEDS me there to do things, so that’s what I do. I go and do, and then when he comes home, he acts like I’ve been there all day, and haven’t been at work too…mind you WITH THE CHILDREN.

Why does he feel like it’s okay to be this way towards me, like he is some sort of God??  I just don’t get it. I am a full time mom and full time employee, at the SAME TIME, then I go home with said children and continue to do what I need to do there also. Am I just asking for too much, for him to be a joint partner with the kids and the house?? Is that even realistic? It’s not like I ask him to cook dinner, or anything like that. I don’t even ask him to do laundry. I simply want the trash taken out on the regular, and then the occasional assistance in keeping on top of things.

That’s not too much to ask is it? I mean, y’all, he spends most of his time ON HIS PHONE while I’m spending time with the kids or folding the laundry, and he sleeps on the couch and makes a mess like a college student and LEAVES it there in the mornings, for me to pick up. How hard is it to throw your spit bottle away, or your empty Mountain Dew can, or the Little Debbie wrappers, or put your late night either ice cream or cereal bowl in the sink?

Seriously y’all, PRAY FOR ME!!!

Four Years Ago YESTERDAY

Four years ago yesterday, I was in labor all day and didn’t know it.

Four years ago yesterday, I sat in the waiting room at the doctor’s office with cramping and a false positive on my water breaking while I waited to go into an ultrasound.

Four years ago yesterday, I saw our baby girl moving on a monitor with her heart beating and was told everything would be OK.

Four years ago yesterday, we would go grocery shopping in an attempt to forget that I was cramping.

Four years ago yesterday, I would come home cook dinner and my dad came to visit because we were getting the nursery and the other kids’ rooms ready for the arrival of our baby in a few months.

Four years ago yesterday, after dinner the cramping continued and worsened and for some reason I decided to start timing it.

Four years ago yesterday, I sat in my living room timing my cramps that were two minutes apart and I knew something wasn’t right.

Four years ago yesterday, I called the midwife multiple times asking about the pain I was in and telling her that they were consistently coming a couple minutes apart.

Four years ago yesterday, I was assured that my doctor’s visit showed nothing was wrong and that I should lay down and relax because it was most likely Braxton Hicks contractions.

Four years ago yesterday, as I laid on my side trying to relax I felt a pop as if a balloon had popped inside of me and I knew my water had just broken.

Four years ago yesterday, I jumped up from the bed and went to the bathroom and knew she was coming way too soon.

Four years ago yesterday, I cried in agony knowing we had to go to the hospital but not wanting to.

Four years ago yesterday, my dad who lives an hour away happened to be at our house… talk about right place right time, unfortunately.

Four years ago yesterday, my husband and I sped in the car on the way to the hospital, getting pulled over along away just to be let go when we told him the situation.

Four years ago yesterday, I got to the hospital and immediately went back and all the midwife could say was she was sorry this was happening.

Four years ago yesterday, the doctor came in and wanted to look at the baby on an ultrasound machine.

Four years ago yesterday, we watched our little baby kick and turned and her heart was beating a perfect rate just to be told she would be coming and there was nothing we could do about it.

Four years ago yesterday, the doctor did give us a glimmer of hope when he said if it’s not real labor you’ll just be on bedrest for two months until she’s ready.

Four years ago yesterday, I knew from the bottom of my heart that I was in labor, although I’d be willing to lay in a bed as long as I needed in order to keep my baby.

Four years ago yesterday, the doctor wanted to see if I was in actual labor by checking my cervix.

Four years ago yesterday, the doctor made a face and told my husband to look.

Four years ago yesterday, the umbilical cord was already hanging out of my cervix.

Four years ago TODAY, the doctor said that since her heartbeat was so strong she could possibly be born alive.

Four years ago today, my husband and I did something we never thought we’d have to do.

Four years ago today, we wished that our daughter wouldn’t be born alive because we knew she wouldn’t survive and we didn’t want her to suffer.

Four years ago today, I had to pee and I was afraid to, because I knew what would happen with the pressure.

Four years ago today, I went to the bathroom and our daughter was born in the white plastic thing you catch urine in.

Four years ago today, I gave birth to this bright pink, perfect little baby and there was nothing I could do to save her.

Four years ago today, we held her in our arms and counted her 10 fingers and 10 toes and saw the hair that was beginning to grow.

Four years ago today, we held our perfect baby and cried in disbelief at what just happened.

Four years ago today, my husband and I vowed to not blame each other for the circumstances we were facing.

Four years ago today, my husband and I made a promise to be strong for one another because we knew this was going to bring out a lot of emotions.

Four years ago today, we knew we were destined to have another baby.

Four years ago today, we prayed more than we had prayed in our entire marriage.

Four years ago today, we had to leave the hospital with our baby in a little box and not in a car seat or in my womb.

Four years ago today, we took our baby home.

Four years ago today, our oldest got to meet her sister and hold her.

Four years ago today, we had to take our baby girl to the funeral home.

Four years ago today, I was numb with any kind of emotion and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about the funeral service for my baby when 24 hours prior she was alive in my belly.

Four years ago today, we were lost and broken and didn’t know how we’d move forward.

For years ago YESTERDAY, our lives were changed forever, and TODAY we will celebrate with love and tears and prayer and cake for our sweet girl’s 4th Birthday.

Another day I will tell more of our story as to how we’ve moved forward, and what a journey it has been. Our sweet baby wasn’t with us for long, but the impact she played on our lives has remained evident in all the things we do.

Pray for Me!!!