I Signed up for THIS.

I read things that will say how people put “fake” lives on Facebook and nothing is truly that perfect, which I agree with on the occasion, especially when I see one of my friends who complain CONSTANTLY about situations, then go posting how great everything is.

I’d like to think that I keep it real for the most part. I do use the occasional SnapChat Filter, only because I don’t always have the time or want to make the time to put makeup on, and I’ll use the filter that just makes my face look decent, not like a superstar.

Anyways, I have noticed for some time now that when I post a video rant or a post about a kid being sick or not feeling well, I get an

“I’m so sorry.”

or a

” Cherish these moments, because it won’t last forever.”

“It will get easier, Mama.”

Let’s get one thing straight…. while I half-hazardly appreciate the concern, there’s no concern here. NONE. I just want VALIDATION that this MOM thing ISN’T for the FAINT of HEART.

There is NO need for an APOLOGY about my kid being sick, or me being up all night and waking up in the middle of the night catching throw up in a towel and/or on myself from the baby.

I SIGNED UP FOR THIS!!!

This is MOTHERHOOD.  In all its glory.

The SAME people that complain that “your life is so perfect through Facebook,” are the ones who want to try and give the advice on how sorry they are and give you pity when things AREN’T going perfect, so WHAT DO YOU WANT??   My perfect “fake” life, or MY “I just got threw up on in the middle of the night life?

In my eyes, when you are saying, “oh, it will be okay mama. this is just a difficult time.” I KNOW THIS!   Again, I SIGNED UP FOR THIS.  I don’t need your SYMPATHY.

I am just trying to not so silently make my point that THIS IS WHY moms ONLY POST POSITIVE things, because they don’t want to hear APOLOGIES. We just want a “Hope they feel better soon.” or a “Let me know if you need anything.”

And trust me when I say, I don’t post because I want something. I just simply want to let people in on my life, because let’s face it……

If I run into you today, I’m going to be half-asleep, probably not in the best mood, because I was up half the night being puked on, and I may or may not be wearing a TIARA because my kids DARED me to since it’s my birthday……

So not only do I look half-asleep and cranky, but I will also be walking around looking like a Hungover Disney Princess.

I’m a HOT MESS…

BUT….

I SIGNED UP FOR THIS!!!

I knew there would be days of puke and poop and all nasty things, but I also know this job comes with SNUGGLES, and SLOPPY KISSES, and a LOVE that has NO END and NO Measure, no matter how wide these sweet kiddos spread their arms to tell me just HOW MUCH they love me.

I SIGNED UP FOR THIS, so

PLEASE

STOP with the apologies when everything ISN’T perfect!!!

Sometimes a mom just needs to vent to VALIDATE that what she is going through is NORMAL and KNOW that SHE ISN’T the only one up in the middle of the night getting puked on, or cleaning shit out of a bathtub.

So please, just let it be. Let the mom know, you know what she’s going through and she ISN’T ALONE.

Don’t offer an apology.

Again, She’s looking for VALIDATION, not SYMPATHY.

Offer another CRAZY story about YOU being up in the middle of the night, so that she TRULY knows she is not alone.

Motherhood is messy and emotional and one of the most stressful and amazing journeys I have ever been through and continue to go through, but in the end…..

I am SO glad that I SIGNED UP FOR THIS!

Four Years Ago YESTERDAY

Four years ago yesterday, I was in labor all day and didn’t know it.

Four years ago yesterday, I sat in the waiting room at the doctor’s office with cramping and a false positive on my water breaking while I waited to go into an ultrasound.

Four years ago yesterday, I saw our baby girl moving on a monitor with her heart beating and was told everything would be OK.

Four years ago yesterday, we would go grocery shopping in an attempt to forget that I was cramping.

Four years ago yesterday, I would come home cook dinner and my dad came to visit because we were getting the nursery and the other kids’ rooms ready for the arrival of our baby in a few months.

Four years ago yesterday, after dinner the cramping continued and worsened and for some reason I decided to start timing it.

Four years ago yesterday, I sat in my living room timing my cramps that were two minutes apart and I knew something wasn’t right.

Four years ago yesterday, I called the midwife multiple times asking about the pain I was in and telling her that they were consistently coming a couple minutes apart.

Four years ago yesterday, I was assured that my doctor’s visit showed nothing was wrong and that I should lay down and relax because it was most likely Braxton Hicks contractions.

Four years ago yesterday, as I laid on my side trying to relax I felt a pop as if a balloon had popped inside of me and I knew my water had just broken.

Four years ago yesterday, I jumped up from the bed and went to the bathroom and knew she was coming way too soon.

Four years ago yesterday, I cried in agony knowing we had to go to the hospital but not wanting to.

Four years ago yesterday, my dad who lives an hour away happened to be at our house… talk about right place right time, unfortunately.

Four years ago yesterday, my husband and I sped in the car on the way to the hospital, getting pulled over along away just to be let go when we told him the situation.

Four years ago yesterday, I got to the hospital and immediately went back and all the midwife could say was she was sorry this was happening.

Four years ago yesterday, the doctor came in and wanted to look at the baby on an ultrasound machine.

Four years ago yesterday, we watched our little baby kick and turned and her heart was beating a perfect rate just to be told she would be coming and there was nothing we could do about it.

Four years ago yesterday, the doctor did give us a glimmer of hope when he said if it’s not real labor you’ll just be on bedrest for two months until she’s ready.

Four years ago yesterday, I knew from the bottom of my heart that I was in labor, although I’d be willing to lay in a bed as long as I needed in order to keep my baby.

Four years ago yesterday, the doctor wanted to see if I was in actual labor by checking my cervix.

Four years ago yesterday, the doctor made a face and told my husband to look.

Four years ago yesterday, the umbilical cord was already hanging out of my cervix.

Four years ago TODAY, the doctor said that since her heartbeat was so strong she could possibly be born alive.

Four years ago today, my husband and I did something we never thought we’d have to do.

Four years ago today, we wished that our daughter wouldn’t be born alive because we knew she wouldn’t survive and we didn’t want her to suffer.

Four years ago today, I had to pee and I was afraid to, because I knew what would happen with the pressure.

Four years ago today, I went to the bathroom and our daughter was born in the white plastic thing you catch urine in.

Four years ago today, I gave birth to this bright pink, perfect little baby and there was nothing I could do to save her.

Four years ago today, we held her in our arms and counted her 10 fingers and 10 toes and saw the hair that was beginning to grow.

Four years ago today, we held our perfect baby and cried in disbelief at what just happened.

Four years ago today, my husband and I vowed to not blame each other for the circumstances we were facing.

Four years ago today, my husband and I made a promise to be strong for one another because we knew this was going to bring out a lot of emotions.

Four years ago today, we knew we were destined to have another baby.

Four years ago today, we prayed more than we had prayed in our entire marriage.

Four years ago today, we had to leave the hospital with our baby in a little box and not in a car seat or in my womb.

Four years ago today, we took our baby home.

Four years ago today, our oldest got to meet her sister and hold her.

Four years ago today, we had to take our baby girl to the funeral home.

Four years ago today, I was numb with any kind of emotion and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about the funeral service for my baby when 24 hours prior she was alive in my belly.

Four years ago today, we were lost and broken and didn’t know how we’d move forward.

For years ago YESTERDAY, our lives were changed forever, and TODAY we will celebrate with love and tears and prayer and cake for our sweet girl’s 4th Birthday.

Another day I will tell more of our story as to how we’ve moved forward, and what a journey it has been. Our sweet baby wasn’t with us for long, but the impact she played on our lives has remained evident in all the things we do.

Pray for Me!!!