Life Behind Facebook

I’m sure by the title, you guys know exactly what I’m talking about….LIFE BEHIND FACEBOOK.

Social Media has a way of making us imagine ourselves in a perfect world and then broadcasting it so everyone can see how fantastic our life is.  I try and be honest, but apparently I make my life look like I’ve got it all together.

I guess, inevitably, that’s what you want, right? You want it to “appear” that you’ve got your shit together and you and your family are doing wonderful.

Let’s face it…who wants to post NEGATIVE things on Social Media. I know in my life, I don’t try and fixate on those bad moments, and I try to focus on the good, but get REAL, it’s a struggle.

I’ve got 4 children, work as full time as I can around their schedules, and try and keep the upkeep of the house and be a wife. Did I mention, I bring the baby to work??? And then I leave on Monday, Wednesday, Friday to go get her from preschool, and we come BACK to work??

My mom and grandmother both have friends that say to me, “I don’t know how you do it.” I’m talking they ALL say this to me. What the hell am I doing???  I get it, I’m doing it, but I’m so not doing it.

They don’t see the meltdowns in the morning because my son refused to go to bed at a decent time so he’s cranky and doesn’t want to get dressed, then falls asleep in the car because he’s so tired and then whines when we get to school because he’s too tired.

No one sees my oldest have a complete breakdown because I forgot to make her a doctor’s appointment to get a refill on her ADHD prescription and she has testing that day.

Or what about the 3 year old who REFUSES to potty train?!?!?

The baby, yeah, he’s pretty perfect, but seriously, I didn’t broadcast on Facebook all these woes we went through….

Or let’s talk about date night….. Facebook post says we went on a date night, had a great time at this new local restaurant, which we did, but what it didn’t tell you was that we went on the first date we’ve been on by ourselves in our 3 YEARS in an effort to rekindle whatever we have, because life has taken completely over and we have found ourselves only talking about the children or work (we work together in our own business.) Facebook didn’t say that we struggle to even have a conversation about anything other than work or the kids because we’ve forgotten how to communicate.

Our conversation consisted of making a promise to each other that we would work on this and do better to be attentive to one another and not focus all our discussions on these two things, because otherwise, where will we be down the road when the kids are out of the house??

And I know I’m not the only one. I see couples all the time, people we are friends with, who we know are struggling with their relationships or their children or falling on hard times financially, but it’s all a front to put your best on Facebook. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with it. Facebook is kind of like a fantasy, of what you want your life to look like, but not exactly what’s really going on behind closed doors.

Don’t get me wrong, our house really is filled with love and laughs and fun times, we just choose not to share the bad, or the ugly. Just remember though, everyone has the bad and the ugly.

No matter, how perfect life may seem to you or to anyone else, there is always the ugly, and honestly, that’s what makes us real and authentic.

If we didn’t have the bad, would we really appreciate all the good that we have and experience?

 

The word for the Day….Scabies! 😳

Be a mom they said…..

It’s the best gift ever they said….

They will bring you the most joy you have ever felt they said……

They didn’t say your 11 year old with a rash since before Christmas that you were told was Eczema, would in fact be Scabies!!!

From what I gather, it’s basically lice of the skin….which means washing all the linens to the beds, clothes she’s touched, towels she’s used, everything I feel like.

Mind you, our family is a close family, so we snuggle and cuddle and love on each other. There is NO personal space, which means, what if another kid has it!?!

In fact, my older son has little bumps on his hands that itch and resemble what my daughter’s started out as, but his is t as bad as hers. Hers is all up and down her arms, all over her stomach, on her hands, between fingers… 🙈😭.

Apparently this mess doesn’t show any signs h til 4-6 weeks after having contracted it, so the baby and the toddler could already have it and I don’t know it yet.

Did I mention before that my older son doesn’t sleep alone and he bed hops?!?! So he slept in his bed last night, mine the two nights before, and his little sister’s the night before that, so guess what that means?!?!

I get to wash all the linens on ALL the beds!!

Are you itching yet???? Because I am just thinking about all this!

I’m going to gather myself while I’m in the Mommy line and then rush home to swap the first load of linens I’ve already washed and replace with a second load, all while trying to get the toddler ready for tumbling, trying to keep my adhd, 11 year old beautiful daughter from touching or sitting on anything that could harbor this mess……

And we are supposed to be ah big people over for a Super Bowl Party Sunday. Working, school, my kids FINALLY aren’t SICK for the first time in what seems to be a lifetime ago, and now THIS.

The word for the day is SCABIES.

Pray for me!

Harboring Negative Feelings

3 Days and 5 Years ago….. I found out my husband was having an affair….

It was a day I will not forget, and the following days after were a complete nightmare….

Why do I bring it up after all that time….well, it’s simple really, this time of year, I always feel so bitter.

We somehow managed to work through it, and I am glad that we did, but all in the same, sometimes I do ask why.

There is always the thought of it happening again, but I’d like to think that he learned his lesson and won’t stoop to that again.

We have since joined a church and got baptized, and have been through quite a few things together since “the affair” but I always bring my mind right back to it this time of year.

She was younger, and perfect body, while at the time I had birthed 2 children… I couldn’t understand why he would do this and I still really don’t understand why.

Then I think of the all the things that have happened since that fateful day, and I am overjoyed at what all we have accomplished and where our life is now.

We lost a baby a little over a year after I found out about the affair, but we have had two additional children since then. He owns his own business now, we work together, we’ve moved to a different town……

All these things have happened for the positive, yet I still dwell in it…Why?

Perhaps I’m jealous that he got to live this alternative life? Thought I’ve never even considered doing something as sleezy as having an affair, I can’t help but wonder if this may be why I harbor the feelings that I do every year around this time.

It is beyond me. Maybe one day I will feel the weight lifted and not feel like I do every year at this time, but for now, this is how I feel.

Have any of you ever been cheated on and made it work??

What are your strategies to keep it going and not harbor the feelings?

I literally don’t even really think about it until January, and then it tapers off and I don’t think about it again until the next year.

We are all SUPERMOM

Earlier tonight as I was driving with slightly blurred vision and a pounding headache taking my oldest to Dance Class, I began thinking…..

Now, I already know motherhood is never ending and everyone talks about all the things we have to do, but seriously…. ALL THE THINGS we have to do….

No SICK days.  The LAST thing I wanted to do this evening was pack up the 4 kids AGAIN just to drop off the eldest at dance, not to mention the baby was in a horrible mood, and I was almost to the point of vomiting because my headache had become so excruciating, that I could barely keep my head up and eyes open.

Guess what though???  I carried a sleeping toddler back to the car, buckled in the screaming baby in his carseat, explained to the 6 year old that he had to get a shirt on to go outside and get in the car, and smiled at a very grateful 11 year old because I mustered up enough energy to do it and take her.

Motherhood is SO many things. It is sacrifice and selflessness, pride, joy, exhaustion, sadness, happiness, anger, confusion, love, excitement, fear, patience, etc…

It is the most wonderful gift to have, and yet so many take it for granted. We work non-stop as moms, whether it be carpooling to sports or activities, or school, a friend’s house, packing lunches, doctor visits, plays, teacher meetings. We go to work all day or stay at home all day ( either one is working all day) and all the things we do rarely get noticed.

Is anyone but us going to notice whether that plate in the sink got washed or not? Nope.

Is anyone but us going to notice the toilet paper roll needs to be changed? Nope.

Who remembers to sweep the floor? Are the kids going to care at the end of the day if there are crumbs under the table?

Is anyone going to care that the load of laundry you put in the washing machine YESTERDAY morning is STILL in the WASHING MACHINE and has to be rewashed, and then it may even be forgotten again because of all the hats we wear and ways we are pulled.

We are in a constant mind game within ourselves to be the best and do the best and make sure we have everything done at work and around the house and for our children with projects, sports, and activities…. ALL THAT WE DO…… and WE still don’t think we are good enough.

Ask your children if they are upset because the laundry wasn’t done or the floor wasn’t swept, or the dishes didn’t get put away from the dishwasher…… I bet they won’t even notice.

We hold our expectations for ourselves so high, yet our kids love us the same regardless.

I guess my point is this….Moms will load up all the children with a borderline migraine so that our oldest kid doesn’t miss dance class, and the kid that didn’t want to get dressed got dressed and has probably forgot he didn’t want to get dressed in the first place, the baby will stop crying because he will fall asleep on the way to the dance class, and the toddler that was napping, is still asleep, uninterrupted.

And YOU, MOM, you will get a little break because you are going to order pizza tonight instead of your stir fry, HEALTHY MEAL planned, because everyone deserves a break sometimes and whether you dirtied the kitchen and cooked the healthy meal or ordered the pizza so you could rest in the chair to get rid of your headache while the baby slept instead of screamed, all the kids are going to love you the same and STILL think you are the BEST and SUPERMOM.

Keep being SUPERMOM, ladies, because whether you think you are doing your best or not, you ARE! Nobody is perfect, but to our kids we are pretty darn close!!

 

A Teaching Moment in Positivity

I am TRYING! I truly am.

Everything in me wants to be a more positive person and see the little things as a promise for bigger things….

BUT….it is so difficult!

Is it supposed to be easy though?!?

Maybe we have struggles to truly appreciate the positive moments?

My now 11 year old daughter is at a point where she hasn’t quite grasped the concept of hygiene and that sort. She’s getting it, just not as much as she will…..

Her hair…. it’s fine and gets oily quickly, and my oh my…. the KNOTS….

I don’t understand how the knots accumulate. She got a new brush for Christmas and she’s been brushing her hair more than usual, but somehow it’s not getting the bottom layer of hair, which as a result is causing knots. I mean your “want to just cut them out” kind of knots.

In the midst of being the first day back to school in two weeks morning…. she asks me to brush her hair. She rarely asks so of course I say yes.

5 minutes into hair brushing, I’m only 1/3 done because of said knots. I made a comment. “This wasn’t in my plans this morning to spend 20 minutes on brushing hair.”

I’ve thought about it all day. I shouldn’t have said it. We spent 20 minutes together that we wouldn’t have, otherwise. I would have been in the kitchen getting breakfast and lunches ready and packing bags for work.

Instead, I got to spend 20 bonding minutes with my eldest, who may now never ask me to brush her hair again because she might think it’s an inconvenience.

I’m probably thinking too much into it, but that’s what’s been running through my head all day. Instead of me seeing the positive of spending time with her, I made a negative comment.

I have vowed to make myself better this year. All around better, so as a mom, friend, wife, neighbor, daughter, sister, etc.

This morning was one of those instances where I could have been better and I chose a different route.

Then, as I was getting my now 3 year old daughter out of the car to take into preschool, I found a “letter” from my oldest in an envelope addressed to “Mommy.”

I opened it when I got to work, and it says, “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You are the best mommy ever.” My heart melted, my face lit up, but tears filled my eyes.

If only I could see the positive like she does. No matter what is happening in her life, she always sees the positive and her her world, I’m the best mommy ever. It doesn’t matter how much I mess up, she still thinks of me as the best.

Maybe God gave me these children to see myself in a different light and so that I could see their truth and be positive for them and in turn for myself and others.

I really hope that I can see the teaching moment to myself in positivity during the next hair debacle, or whatever situation may arise, because though my children think I’m the best mommy ever, I want to show them how much better I can be.

Pray for me!

New Year, New Me

Who makes New Year’s Resolutions??

I have decided to stop this nonsense, considering not many people actually stick to or keep their resolutions.

I have decided that I will just work on me in general, and put my focus more towards my health and well being.

I have 4 children, and while I love them dearly and put all my time and effort into them, I have come to realize that if I’m not where I need to be, they won’t be where they need to be. A happier, healthier mom, makes for happier, healthier children? Right?? That is my mentality as of late.

So, maybe not a New Year’s Resolution, but more of a slow change to a better me. Easier said than done, when having to work, raise four children, two of which go to work with me, and I’m a nursing mom, so that’s more energy exerted, dance classes, guitar lessons, tumbling, school activities and clubs, a struggling business, keeping the house clean, maintaining relationships/friendships, trying to maintain a marriage that seems to be struggling more and more daily due to the strain of life………

I’ve got A LOT to work on. Maybe we will call this a … MOMalution…… a Resolution as a mom to be better in general for her children and herself so that everyone becomes better???

I may be rambling, but it is what it is.

I have found that I don’t necessarily know that I am very good at this blogging thing. I am good at writing what I’m thinking, but it’s what I’m thinking, and my brain constantly goes from one thing to the next, sometimes not even making sense to myself, so it’s hard to comprehend sometimes.

Growing up, I was told that I write like I talk, and that has always puzzled me, because why wouldn’t you write like you talk???

I guess the benefit of blogging is, in my opinion, there is really no right or wrong way of the style of writing that you do, because it is yours and your own and unique.

I realize there is probably a certain way to write if I wanted to make money doing this, and while that would be nice, I don’t anticipate that every happening.

I think I have rambled enough for one evening, but as of today, I will be working on my MOMalution, and trying to make myself better for my health and well being so that my kids can benefit from that.

Happy New Year!!!

Love & Loathe

How can I possibly love someone so much, yet loathe every ounce of their being?!?!

More to come later when I have time to go into detail, but I’m currently driving from taking my three oldest to school and I’ve got a baby with RSV to take home and snuggle!