Harboring Negative Feelings

3 Days and 5 Years ago….. I found out my husband was having an affair….

It was a day I will not forget, and the following days after were a complete nightmare….

Why do I bring it up after all that time….well, it’s simple really, this time of year, I always feel so bitter.

We somehow managed to work through it, and I am glad that we did, but all in the same, sometimes I do ask why.

There is always the thought of it happening again, but I’d like to think that he learned his lesson and won’t stoop to that again.

We have since joined a church and got baptized, and have been through quite a few things together since “the affair” but I always bring my mind right back to it this time of year.

She was younger, and perfect body, while at the time I had birthed 2 children… I couldn’t understand why he would do this and I still really don’t understand why.

Then I think of the all the things that have happened since that fateful day, and I am overjoyed at what all we have accomplished and where our life is now.

We lost a baby a little over a year after I found out about the affair, but we have had two additional children since then. He owns his own business now, we work together, we’ve moved to a different town……

All these things have happened for the positive, yet I still dwell in it…Why?

Perhaps I’m jealous that he got to live this alternative life? Thought I’ve never even considered doing something as sleezy as having an affair, I can’t help but wonder if this may be why I harbor the feelings that I do every year around this time.

It is beyond me. Maybe one day I will feel the weight lifted and not feel like I do every year at this time, but for now, this is how I feel.

Have any of you ever been cheated on and made it work??

What are your strategies to keep it going and not harbor the feelings?

I literally don’t even really think about it until January, and then it tapers off and I don’t think about it again until the next year.