I am TRYING! I truly am.
Everything in me wants to be a more positive person and see the little things as a promise for bigger things….
BUT….it is so difficult!
Is it supposed to be easy though?!?
Maybe we have struggles to truly appreciate the positive moments?
My now 11 year old daughter is at a point where she hasn’t quite grasped the concept of hygiene and that sort. She’s getting it, just not as much as she will…..
Her hair…. it’s fine and gets oily quickly, and my oh my…. the KNOTS….
I don’t understand how the knots accumulate. She got a new brush for Christmas and she’s been brushing her hair more than usual, but somehow it’s not getting the bottom layer of hair, which as a result is causing knots. I mean your “want to just cut them out” kind of knots.
In the midst of being the first day back to school in two weeks morning…. she asks me to brush her hair. She rarely asks so of course I say yes.
5 minutes into hair brushing, I’m only 1/3 done because of said knots. I made a comment. “This wasn’t in my plans this morning to spend 20 minutes on brushing hair.”
I’ve thought about it all day. I shouldn’t have said it. We spent 20 minutes together that we wouldn’t have, otherwise. I would have been in the kitchen getting breakfast and lunches ready and packing bags for work.
Instead, I got to spend 20 bonding minutes with my eldest, who may now never ask me to brush her hair again because she might think it’s an inconvenience.
I’m probably thinking too much into it, but that’s what’s been running through my head all day. Instead of me seeing the positive of spending time with her, I made a negative comment.
I have vowed to make myself better this year. All around better, so as a mom, friend, wife, neighbor, daughter, sister, etc.
This morning was one of those instances where I could have been better and I chose a different route.
Then, as I was getting my now 3 year old daughter out of the car to take into preschool, I found a “letter” from my oldest in an envelope addressed to “Mommy.”
I opened it when I got to work, and it says, “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You are the best mommy ever.” My heart melted, my face lit up, but tears filled my eyes.
If only I could see the positive like she does. No matter what is happening in her life, she always sees the positive and her her world, I’m the best mommy ever. It doesn’t matter how much I mess up, she still thinks of me as the best.
Maybe God gave me these children to see myself in a different light and so that I could see their truth and be positive for them and in turn for myself and others.
I really hope that I can see the teaching moment to myself in positivity during the next hair debacle, or whatever situation may arise, because though my children think I’m the best mommy ever, I want to show them how much better I can be.
Pray for me!