Overthinking

The weather here has finally started to cool down a bit. It was so hot that we were still in shorts and tank tops, but luckily, I think it has finally turned Fall. Today, I am able to sit in the mommy line with the windows open and the car off, listening to the cars go by.

Another reason for the windows down is that I forgot that I needed gas, and I am afraid I will run out, so thank the good Lord that the weather is nice, because otherwise, I may be pushing this big bus around to all my stops.

It is so peaceful though…..the skies are blue and the clouds are beautiful. My car is absolutely silent, for right this minute anyways. The baby is sleeping and so is the toddler, and all I can do is think.

I tend to overthink everything and today is no exception. I went into the office today, and I found myself making list after list of what I needed to get done to catch up and finish my new office so that I can actually get in it.

I also overthink about silly things.

A few days ago, I decided that I would buy a few Mega Millions tickets. I NEVER play the lottery. It’s just not something that I’ve ever really done, but my mom was talking to me about it and said that it was over 600 million, so I decided, what the hell, so that began a thinking process of what I would do if I won…

It’s easy really. I would pay off all our debts, and I would help a lot of people. I would set up college funds for my kids and nephews, I would help out one of our good friends that is a widowed mom of three because she struggles, and I wish there was more that I could do to help her. I would start some kind of organization. I am not sure exactly what that organization would be, but considering my schooling background is in the child development field, I’m sure it would help children and their families somehow. When you have a large amount of money, many things are possible and that is what I began to think about. I even prayed last night that GOD would let me win. How silly is that? I even said to God I knew it was silly, but that I promised I would do good with it.

Well, I didn’t win and I’m not sure if anyone did, but I know that I didn’t. I can only pray and hope that if anyone did, they choose to use it wisely. I would love to help my parents and in laws and good friends and my church. I would love to be able to help certain people not have to worry about if food will be on their table or if they can afford to go buy their kids winter clothes.

I hate to see winners just choose to buy a big house and blow the money and then not even have anything to show for it.

Obviously, I am overthinking. I didn’t win. I’m not ever going to win, and all these dreams I have to help people are pointless to even think of, because i know it wont happen. I say all this because just once, it would be nice to be dealt a bit better hand than what we have in the past. No, money isn’t everything, but it does cause a lot of issues if you don’t have any.

Don’t get me wrong, we have been dealt some great hands in the past and I’m sure will be in the future as well, but when it comes to our livelihood(our business), it has been a struggle and continues to be a struggle. We have had help from parents to get bill paid and we are trying our best to stay afloat, and my husband remains positive and uplifting, all the while, I just feel like we are completely drowning. I am hoping once I can figure out a schedule and get back to the office on the regular, I can’t find some sort of floatation device to float on, because I’m just not seeing it right now.

My husband works so incredibly hard…I mean SO HARD and it is frustrating to see him work so hard just so we can pay employees and then we have to nickel and dime it to figure out how to pay for our house and our other bills.

It would be so much easier just to hit it big and win the lottery and be able to lift the burden of providing for us off of his shoulders.

For now, I will just sit here and enjoy this nice breeze, beautiful weather, and a temporary silent car and be grateful for all the blessings this life has given me.

OVERTHINKING……..

Pray for me.